If I could rewind time.

On the very auspicious day of joy and colors -Holi, I find my self confined with remorse and the only evident colors in my
life are black and white. I have lost my ability to act both as a prism, which disperse colors into others life, and as a star
(which acts as a black body) which can emit colors of all wavelengths. This alone is a reason enough for me to scribble some
more crap.


I have been up all night which wouldn't surprise most people who know me .But last night I wasn't playing games ,I had my
speakers roaring to their maximum capacities because I was trying to loose myself in all the noise I could generate .
I had always believed that music can be the best remedy for the broken heart. But
alas it doesn't work beyond a certain point. Most of the inhabitants are off to their homes, others in search of bliss to forbidden places
,so I feel lonely with just two friends left in a prodigious hostel.


It was the day of Diwali and all the light around me wasn't enough to lighten my mood. My mother just got operated, my father
was sick and my sister burned down her entire poetry, the reason for which she would not tell. I had my issues too, I was
horribly missing someone and was in a terrible state of mind.

The next day has found its place in one of the days I will never forget. After a tormenting night, I was asked by Dj & Vj for
a fun trip to Ranchi. I was reluctant to make excuses but then another good friend of mine, Ammar came up with some work so
finally we were all set for Ranchi.

All of the Murphy's law seemed to have been formulated for me on that day except the fact that it didn't apply exactly in
the same order.
The third law states that "If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway”. With five hilarious guys things did go wrong
although it was least expected.
Now comes the fifth law, “Left to themselves things go from bad to worse". That's what happened to my mood.
With a heavy heart I returned to my room just to discover the certainty of Murphy's second law “If there is more than one
thing to go wrong than the one that will cause the maximum damage will go wrong”. My two other good friends
"Harry “and "Paul “dropped drunk in my room. With me and Dj in the room what more could those slimy creatures have wished for, to
make fun of and entertain themselves.
Finally the sixth law, “The hidden flaw never stays hidden for long”, became all evident.

I have no problem taking jokes on me, but there is a limit to everything and when you are already filled up to the brim you
tend to overflow. So did I ,I asked them to leave my room to which they did not pay any heed. So the next time I demanded to be
left alone which they took as dishonor and humiliation on their part. And as Harry is a trader in the truest sense he decided
to repay in the same manner. I was summoned to their rooms and handed over everything that belonged to me and asked to fuck off
from their room with every kind of abuses. As if this wasn't enough, I was again abused in my lobby and they took a trip to
many other rooms to demonstrate their expertise with all the wrong words.

I really got upset with all this, not because I was being treated like that but because it was my behavior that hurt them so
bad that the guy I was friends with, from my first days in B.I.T was humiliating me in such a way. And the worst was to
follow; I was blamed for everything wrong in their life. I was held responsible for their fucked up academics. well I don't see any drastic improvement now when I am not a part of their life.

The only reason I am writing all this is because I have promised my mom an apology to them, because she thinks the fault must
lie in me considering the little information I provided her with.

So if I could rewind time, I would rewind it to the point when they came in to my room. I would allow them to make fun of me
and Dj in as many ways as they can .I would buy them chips and more alcohol, play their favorite music and probably dance
for them if that would be entertaining to them, because I really miss the joy in my life that they brought. I really miss those
days when we gathered in a room and talked about all kinds of games, played as a team so strong that was almost
invincible, times when we watched movies together and enjoyed music, times when I was sick and they tenderly took care of
me, times when I am in a restaurant because it was always he who used to order for me, times when everybody gathered in my room
and we used to dine together and much more.

But then I wouldn't have known what trample damage they assumed I brought into their lives and how worthy they were. I
wouldn't have known their vocabulary of assaulting words. I wouldn't have known their respect for my parents and I wouldn't
have forgiven myself for losing the one thing I was born with - dignity. I was born naked but with inherent nobility and worth
and on that occasion although I wouldn't have been stripped off my clothes, I definitely would have been stripped off my
dignity.

So if I could rewind time, I would be on the first day in B.I.T and I would have preferred not befriending him in the first
place. And subsequently I wouldn't be writing this entry, I wouldn't be feeling guilty and I would absolutely be surrounded
with better friends as I am now.

P.S:-The names are morphed just because I care and they are worth more but just not my friendship.